87151546
Written yesterday
So here I am this morning (No, over here!) driving to work in the winds of the annual Santa Ana…(I like the way that sounds — remember the imaginary town, called Santa Anna, we made up in 1982 or so when we used ALL the toys and stuffed animals to concoct stories and phantasies — that was a good summer )…when giddiness overcomes me. Sometimes I am overcome by a sensation of awareness of different places existing simultaneously and the choices seem endless, but I stay on my rutted route. What will happen when I don’t?
The car was covered in ashy fluttery freckles as the winds kicked up the smog, ashes, dust, dirt, and particulate matter this morning just as the dew was gathering on all succeptible objects. A garage certainly helps reduce the aesthetic maintenance required by a car, but I think you have gone the best route by eliminating the concern altogther.
Oho, I love it when people make a comment thinking you are not around. Then I get to snake my neck out and raise my eyebrow to their “Oh, you’re there!”. Thas right. Thas what I’m talking about.
Certainly I am sad, disaffected, uncertain, and servile. I don’t know what to do about that. Can anything be done? Sometimes I think there is much to be done, but that elusive first step is so murky and wrought with indistinctness that I can not conceive of it at the moment. Maybe I just need to find the fuse and ignite it with lightning anger or somesuch catalyst. Until then my complaints will be feeble and myriad or maybe they should be silent and strong. I really don’t know what it is I am trying to say.
I have nothing to do
here
now
ever
with that
3:58 PM 1/7/03