93511171
My theory of “Forward Progression”
or
“Why I am Stressful Wreck More often than Not”
When I drive anywhere, even to the store for some more beer, TP, water, and ice, I must have forward progression. “What is forward progression?” you may want to ask.
Wait! Don’t ask!
Too late! They asked. Forward progression is the theory that forward movement no matter how inconsequential is essential for an enjoyable drive. In traffic, you either take an alternate route - even if it is longer - or allow a large space to grow in front of your car so that you are ALWAYS moving forward in the general direction of your destination. The philosophy (so intellectual, so erudite — NOW it’s a philosophy!) of forward progression dictates that one must always seek movement toward one’s goal just as water (unless frozen) always seeks to go back to the sea. When faced with a stinky stoplight one might turn right to avoid stopping even for an instant. I know this is an unusual proposition and calmer, more satisfied folks might scoff at this, but it makes driving much more of an adventure. Wadini has even begun to enjoy this method of driving and will declare “Forward Progression!” as he executes some swift maneuver to continue moving forward. This is why my commute has recently shortened to six minutes. That is no exaggeration!