Many years ago, my mom did a wonderful thing and purchased the audiobook version of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for me. Listening to the teachings of the author, Stephen Covey, over and over allowed me to absorb and adopt some of the principals, and that has made a profound difference in my life over time.

Last week, I had the priveledge of taking a company-sponsored seminar for the 7 Habits. Not only were we immersed in the course for two days, with activites, videos, quotes, and discussions, but we were also given Franklin-Covey day planners fully stocked with all the calendars, contact pages, and planning tools you could ask for.  It is very powerful stuff, and the teachings really are inspiring in the way they provide the ideas and tools to make positive changes in one’s life. All you need to bring is the motivation!

Anyhow, Mom and I had a great discussion the other day about some of the ideas put forth in the course material. So I shared a quote with her:

It’s not what people do to us that hurts us.  In the most fundamentalsense it is our chosen response to what they do to us that hurts us.

I think that this is a powerful and extremeley useful way to approach our lives.

Mom took some time and offered this thoughtful reply:

True, it is our chosen response, but ultimately recognizing that you have a choice in your response is in effect a separation of your mind to your emotions. Think before you respond. But often, we are emotionally connected to that certain someone and that slow response (also known as cunning) is not as deeply connected to our emotions.  Not exactly the person I wish to spend time with. I find this honest reaction sort of youthful. As people mature, I think it’s a natural occurance as we age, but if we are emotionally disturbed, then it may never occur. In Buddhism, the way we manage our emotions, is to chant about what ever disturbs us so that we may come up with a well thought out response. Eventually this becomes automatic, therefore we are less likely torespond without processing the thought or idea. But slowing down our response time, I believe is also anatural process of a mature person.

Many points here I can’t argue with. But I would counter that it is not a separation of mind & emotion, but rather determining whether we allow our emotions to control our response. Think: some people have a naturally angry temprament, some of us are easily hurt. If emotions are allowed reign over reason and self-interest, then emotions - though human - can lead us more quickly to our demise. Thought and reason are just as human as emotion. The idea is not to be “cunning” but rather to take actions which really do advance us towards the things we value. Sometimes that requires a calm, thoughtful response, not an emotional one. Don’t forget: often, a strictly emotional response may actually drive us further from our goals. Emotion can be a beautiful thing. Few things offer the deep satisfaction of following your heart. But there is a place for raw emotion, and times for reason to rule. In the end, it is up to each of us which human trait rules the day.