Organic Mutant

We have abundance and yet we seek more. I am just as ‘guilty’ of this truism as others. I feel cold and I want to be warm, I feel hungry and I want to be full, but is my life sustainable? Is it satisfying? It is in reasonable lumps but there are aspects that I want to change.

This time of year is always very hard for me. There is a turning in, a desire to evaluate according to my own standards, a pressure to conform in spite of the part of me that questions and taunts ‘authority’, a disconnect from tradition and expressions of culture at large. I resist - a resistor with low tolerance.

I have a lot of questions but few answers and to distract myself I focus on the concrete - a list of thing to do, a list that requires continuous editing and striking and adjustment. Will my life make sense when my house makes sense, when I lose those final pounds of ‘baby-weight’ and pre-baby weight, when I figure out what I want to do ‘when I grow up’? I dunno.

But the list expands and contracts in fits and spurts. & the only thing I am sure of is my own uncertainty.