We have been distracted lately. Our eyes have been focused on preparing for a retreat. We are looking so far ahead that we’ve been distracted from the present moment. How do I know that I haven’t been paying attention? The poor bubbulah has had a few falls and injuries this week. None of them were major, but they were all warnings from the universe, saying ‘Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Alert! Slow down.’ Life seems to be a big balancing act, finding a tenuous balance between this and that, here and there, now and then. It seems like I find equilibrium and then quickly lose it the minute I feel too comfortable. But I keep trying in the hope that someday it will feel a little more natural and come more quickly.
I find that during this time of year I have more on my plate than feels comfortable. I subscribe to an ethos of less is more and during this time of year, I question my belief structure. Though I find that I do not have an emotional attachment to Christmas and I don’t feel a need to decorate my house, bake treats, buy gifts or splurge in the many ways that all the propaganda induces us to do. These are things I do all year long. I love fairy lights, baked goods, and find gifts as enticing as the next person, but I hate doing those things because of a certain time of year. I cringe at cutting a tree to decorate my home when I think of how much more good that tree will do in the ground rather than spilling needles all over my floor. I buy gifts for my children all year long. I bake every week…
Here look at all this justifications as to why I do not participate to the fullest extent in the annual indulgence known as “the Holidays”. I must feel really defensive. Twas much easier before we had children. Now I just find myself in a muddle.
I look forward to spending time with my loved ones during this time of the year, but I also feel pressure to conform to customs that have no meaning to me. I think that we should do these things all year long: have family meals, make food and gifts by hand, send cards and notes, sing songs, feel full of love for humanity, help people less fortunate than ourselves, celebrate life, join together to create value. It seems that we drift during the year and then there is this big countdown to some mythical ‘moment’ that we always reach for and never attain. It seems meaningless to not do these things for ten months a year and then based on the calendar suddenly start doing these things. That is what fills me with dread. You know the feeling…when all the gifts have been opened and you’re still waiting for that one gift you wanted above everything and now you know you’re not going to get*.
Tis so much simpler to say “I despise Christmas” then to get into all this stuff because I don’t hate Christmas, I just dislike the rigamarole surrounding it and think that if it’s worth doing than do it all year, long otherwise I would rather be left alone.
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*This is not a reflection of a deprived childhood, but rather the fact that my baseline is discontent. Can be good or bad depending on how it manifests. Afterall, that’s probably how we came up with lots of imrovements historically. Ya know, “Well, fire is great and all, but we need something brighter, so we can see better.” & thus the birth of candles…
Searching My Rearview Mirror
We have been distracted lately. Our eyes have been focused on preparing for a retreat. We are looking so far ahead that we’ve been distracted from the present moment. How do I know that I haven’t been paying attention? The poor bubbulah has had a few falls and injuries this week. None of them were major, but they were all warnings from the universe, saying ‘Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Alert! Slow down.’ Life seems to be a big balancing act, finding a tenuous balance between this and that, here and there, now and then. It seems like I find equilibrium and then quickly lose it the minute I feel too comfortable. But I keep trying in the hope that someday it will feel a little more natural and come more quickly.
I find that during this time of year I have more on my plate than feels comfortable. I subscribe to an ethos of less is more and during this time of year, I question my belief structure. Though I find that I do not have an emotional attachment to Christmas and I don’t feel a need to decorate my house, bake treats, buy gifts or splurge in the many ways that all the propaganda induces us to do. These are things I do all year long. I love fairy lights, baked goods, and find gifts as enticing as the next person, but I hate doing those things because of a certain time of year. I cringe at cutting a tree to decorate my home when I think of how much more good that tree will do in the ground rather than spilling needles all over my floor. I buy gifts for my children all year long. I bake every week…
Here look at all this justifications as to why I do not participate to the fullest extent in the annual indulgence known as “the Holidays”. I must feel really defensive. Twas much easier before we had children. Now I just find myself in a muddle.
I look forward to spending time with my loved ones during this time of the year, but I also feel pressure to conform to customs that have no meaning to me. I think that we should do these things all year long: have family meals, make food and gifts by hand, send cards and notes, sing songs, feel full of love for humanity, help people less fortunate than ourselves, celebrate life, join together to create value. It seems that we drift during the year and then there is this big countdown to some mythical ‘moment’ that we always reach for and never attain. It seems meaningless to not do these things for ten months a year and then based on the calendar suddenly start doing these things. That is what fills me with dread. You know the feeling…when all the gifts have been opened and you’re still waiting for that one gift you wanted above everything and now you know you’re not going to get*.
Tis so much simpler to say “I despise Christmas” then to get into all this stuff because I don’t hate Christmas, I just dislike the rigamarole surrounding it and think that if it’s worth doing than do it all year, long otherwise I would rather be left alone.
————————-
*This is not a reflection of a deprived childhood, but rather the fact that my baseline is discontent. Can be good or bad depending on how it manifests. Afterall, that’s probably how we came up with lots of imrovements historically. Ya know, “Well, fire is great and all, but we need something brighter, so we can see better.” & thus the birth of candles…