Organic Mutant Archives: humor
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29 September 2007
Smokers are like Butts
Walk down any busy street, and look down at the sidewalk. Your eyes will be greeted by butts. Many many butts. An endless stream of butts. Yellow butts, white butts, dirty, stinky butts. Where do all these butts come from, and why are they on the sidewalk and in the gutters of our nation?
Origins [...]
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30 April 2007
Stay away from champagne corks.
Why? Here’s why: You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a poisonous spider. So they say. Also, I am hard at work on identifying an enemy. I have one in mind already.
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3 December 2006
When vegetables attack
Ever been injured by a raw veggie?
I have. I attempted to open a package of zucchini, a plastic plate shrunk wrapped with celophane: I stabbed through a tense area of the plastic wrap with my index finger, and then, WHAM! CRASH! BURN!!! AARGH!
The momentum of my hand hand penetrated the saran with great [...]
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16 November 2006
The freaks come out at night
Today was pretty low key. Lucas has been taking his naps at an earlier hour than usual, which has discombobulated my day. Now I think it’s later earlier. Does that make sense? It means that our afternoons are longer. They stretch before us in a sometimes imposing manner.
Lately Wade has [...]
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12 October 2006
How do you fuck up chicken noodle soup?
Ok so I am doing this ‘total body cleanse’ which consists of taking powders and packets of pills for seven consecutive days. It also requires eliminating certain things from my diet: refined sugars, processed foods, fats, caffeine, alchohol, red meats, etc etc. So that is great. I started it yesterday. It is great and I [...]
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11 August 2006
Yo Beeyotch!
Plug it.
(Not that you need it, Rick, but others might appreciate it.)
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5 August 2006
The power of words.
Never let the facts get you down. Words can do a heckuva job.
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16 July 2006
Global Warning
Update: You don’t think I’m joking, do you? Guess what, pal, so far 2006 is the hottest year on record.
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9 June 2006
“Who’s cool now, fucko?”
Pardon my French, but that just about sums it up. Seriously, I have such a major problem with self-proclaimed protectors of coolness, like this poor lady, who is convinced that her lack of exposure to pop-culutre (read: primetime TV and The Godfather) somehow makes her superior to the huddled masses who are glued to each [...]
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2 June 2006
oh shit
Xtina Munoz: lets gobbledeegook
Rick: hilo
Xtina: doot
Rick: wut happen 2 yer icon
gone
Xtina: whus tha schizzle on the m.benz
Rick: 4 grand down the shitter
Xtina: doot logged in a ‘gitana’ no ikon
Rick: oh
Xtina: 4K????
bought a lot with that quiche
Rick: pfft
Xtina:
Rick:
Xtina: lotsa hits on the dewch the coupla hours or so…
all cause of technorati
Rick: they [...]