Today I pulled out my remaining tomato plant and the eggplant bush in preparation for this year’s winter garden. Last year’s garden was a great success and we hope to replicate that success this year. Today I applied a whole bunch of finished compost, which has a redolent muskiness. It’s funny because when I first put it in the raised bed you can still see bits of eggshell, small clumps of old tea bags, and bits of hair as we compost all our old haircuts. In about a week when I start putting in my seedlings much of this will have mixed in with the old dirt, but the eggshells will not completely break down until we come back in the spring with our next batch of compost.

This year we will plant chard, carrots, broccoli, kale, beets, lots of lettuce, parsnips, mustard greens, collards, some winter beans and peas and a few different types of flowers. We loved having the garden last winter and the wonderful ease of walking out the front door to pick something fresh for dinner never got old. Most of the work is in getting the plants in the ground and helping them get established. Once that’s done ’tis just a matter of weeding and waiting. Probably after the New Year we’ll be able to start harvesting some tender greens in perfect time for the wee one’s first birthday.

This year has gone by and part of the reason for that is having a new babe in the house. I was never a baby person til I had kids and this new baby has simply pushed me over the edge. I now go gaga for babies (especially when I’m ovulating). Bringing the second baby home was a new experience because the fear and anxiety that I experienced after the kidlet was born never manifested this time around, so I actually got to enjoy the experience of bringing baby home.  Twas a very special time, plus I got to take a little bit more time off from work since my boss was out of the country for while. Having two has been tough but great for me and I’ve been enjoying it. The past nine and a half months have been marked by new growth for every person in this household.

Right now we have a number of things going on, some of which I’ll update you on in the weeks to come. For now I’ll leave you with this recipe that has quickly become a favourite. Enjoy!

Vegan Pesto

• 2/3 cup toasted nuts (we use 1/3 C pumpkin seeds and 1/3 walnuts)
• 2/3 cup olive oil (you can use less or more depending on your preference. we like our pesto a little dry, so we usually estimate to get the right consistency)
• 4 cloves garlic
• 1/3 cup nutritional yeast (this is in place of the parmesan. don’t worry you won’t miss it.)
• lots of basil ( i use at least two handfuls, probably equivalent to at least two bunches)
• 2 tsp of your favourite spices (we use a garlic and herb blend, but any savory blend that you like should taste fine)
• fresh ground pepper to taste

Toast nuts and seeds on cookie sheet at 400 F til brown (approx. 8 minutes). Add all  ingredients to blender and blend until preferred consistency is reached. voila!

The morning of her birth I woke in the wee hours with noticeable labor pains. I didn’t mention it to any one in the hopes that the labor would subside and that the baby would come closer to the EDD (estimated due date). I had read of many women who experienced ‘false labor’ and I secretly hoped to be one of those. O, denial, she is not a river in Egypt! Wade left for work and Lucas and I started our day, going through the quotidian practices that make a day: washing, breakfast, cleaning, playing, dressing, &c. Around half past 10, I felt the pains increase in intensity and duration and realized that things might not go according to my plan and since we had been so focused on finishing the kids’ room there was nothing washed or ready for the new baby, not one bodysuit or footed sleeper, so I called Wade and alerted him to my situation. He came right home.

For the next few hours I paced the house while Wade washed laundry, organized, cleaned and otherwise prepared for our return home after a few days in the hospital. Nonno came to get Lucas so that we could prepare with little distraction. Last time we endured a long hospital stay pre-delivery and we had determined that I would do most of my laboring at home this time or so we hoped. We tracked contractions through the afternoon while we prepared for the inevitable. Toward five o’clock in the afternoon I contacted the midwife to tell her of our situation. She invited us to come on in. Around that time I finally acknowledged to myself the reality that I would be bringing home a little one sometime soon and that my enormous pregnant belly would be history sooner rather than later. There were some pictures to take before heading to the hospital.

As the evening deepened, the intensity of my contractions strengthened. They stopped me in my tracks. At one point I found myself on the sofa, sitting in tailor’s pose entranced by my socks. At this point we decided to head in to the birth center. On the ride there, the contractions started coming closer together, but when we arrived at the hospital I insisted that I was fine to walk from the parking structure rather than leave the car in the loading zone. That was a struggle. The contractions started coming every minute or so and I would find myself crouching on the ground while my glasses filled with tears. We finally made it up to the birth center where a very sweet Labor & Delivery nurse asked if we were the ones for whom she was waiting. She took one look at me and sat me down in a rocking chair and explained to us why I was experiencing so much pain. She showed me how to breath through each contraction. She seemed to have a mind-meld with Wade and for the next hour he gently guided me each time I forgot to breathe. The midwife checked me and determined that I could stay as active labor had begun and she thought that the baby would be arriving sooner rather than later. They shuffled me off to the shower where I labored under a strong stream of soothing hot water with Wade’s encouragement coming softly from the side.

Eventually I tired of the water as I started feeling cold and agitated. Wade helped me from the shower back to our room where a huge tub of warm water waited. As my labor had advanced significantly, they eventually allowed me into the tub where my labor started with a vengeance. A woman’s labor is the transformation of her body from a closed container to an open vessel. This transformation can take days or minutes. The faster the transformation, the rougher the ride. The 45 minutes I spent in that tub were some of the most physically and mentally challenging minutes of my experience. They were primal. They were raw. They were overpowering and completely human. They took me completely out of myself and were transforming. At the end, I felt the so-called ring of fire, which is aptly named, and was helped out of the tub to the bed where less than 20 minutes later we welcomed Quinn, our daughter.

Each birth is special, but this one was especially special. I learned so much from the entire experience from beginning to end. A few days later we brought her home to the midst of our project and yet everything was perfect. We had the most important things: a healthy family and each other. For a few weeks, we all shared the same bedroom. During the night I would wake to hear the sounds of three sleeping beauties and I felt content. It ended up being a special treat to be able to look out from my cozy spot to see and hear each one. The one whose curious eyes started us along this inevitable path. The one whose glorious laugh fills my days. The one whose dreamy sighs have added such sweetness to the new year.

I have no memory of my life before words. What remains is the 8mm movies, the pictures, the memories of my parents and that is all. What will he recall? Memory can be a trap or a gift. I hope it is always a gift for mon cheri.

Lately Wade has been taking Lucas on afternoon walks so that I can work. Yesterday they walked to the mailbox, the coffee shop, the park and the library. This morning Lucas started telling me about the MAIL and how it is outside. At first I was confused. I was like ‘Yo, kid, why do you worry about the mail? You don’t got no bills.’ Then my analytical brain realised that he was remembering the evening afore and telling me about it.

He does like twelve cute things a day — I can barely remember it all. Sometimes I call Wade at work and report all the good, the bad and the ugly. The other day we were laying in bed early one morning. Wade had left for work and Lucas and I were cuddling and talking and he told me a “story” about a big banana, bigger than a house. At first I was like ‘I’m sorry, mon cheri, I don’t understand’ then I realised that he was telling me a story to entertain me much as the wizard entertains him.

On the bad note, the other morning Lucas discovered his markers in an easy access location i.e. NOT WHERE THEY BELONG (hey, baby, please put them away in the future) and he scribbled all over his sketch pad, the floor, himself and the furniture!!!!! I was doing dishes in the kitchen and my mother-sense tingled because he was too quiet. I searched for him only to discover him under a chair, crouched over a notebook, scribbling away with marks all over heck. Needless to say, I shrieked ‘Lucas, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’. Most everything came off, but the chair will never be the same. This is why I am not buying the sofa I really want because now I can be blase about stuff like that. ‘O, you dropped your blend on the dog? O well.’ I called Wade right away and reported. He was chagrined and I bet the markers will get put away in the future. OR. ELSE.

–
Half-way done!

Ah, listen to the bitching and moaning. Me in a nut shell. Christina likes to complain. Cos then it’s not my fault. It’s the fault of life! The fault of this stupid society. The fault of these stoopid peeple! But no it’s all up to me. & that’s the kicker, ain’t it? It’s all up to me.

What a scary thought! I mean, what have I ever done [to deserve this]? Some people are born with an inner drive that compels them forward. I was born with an inner complacency. What the heck, it’s gotten me this far. So today I struggle with this aspect of my nature, struggling to hurdle this tendency to float, to get by, to do the bare minimum.

This entry has been like pulling teeth. I have been sitting here with a blank ‘write post’ page & the yawning infinite depths of the intarweb one ctrl-t away, struggling back and forth. Yup, day 8 of NaBloPoMo (‘oh, that’ll be easy!’, I said on October 29th) and I’m hitting the proverbial wall. Part of it is that the item I’d planned to post about is still unformed and slightly too personal. Coming up with default entry has tapped me out (+ I wrote two articles at work, so my writing cells are temporarily depleted).

Words are elusive.

Today I filled the sink with soapy water and set Lucas on top of a stool so that he could ‘wash’ dishes. I filled the sink with his toy pots and pans and assorted items. He played happily for almost a half of an hour, dribbling water from one container to another, reaching into to the bubble laden water, delighted by each suprise that he pulled out with exploring fingers, splashing contentedly, dripping water all over his front. His play mimics our day-to-day chores. He delights, and we complain and feel overwhelmed. I need to revive the childish spirit of play in my life. That is what I want to grasp again — the freedom of being ennervated by life, by the mundane.

Today for one moment I felt it. I was crouched on the ground picking up splashes from sink adventures and he climbed on me, sitting high on my back, so that when I stood his arms were around my neck and his legs under my arms and then the spirit grabbed me & I ran back and forth, galloping through the house, losing myself in play for a few minutes til some reminder of my imperfections slowed me down and I put Lucas back down on the ground and returned.

However some things are staying the same: diapers. Lucas is still a diaper-butt. We still go through many, many diapers each and every day. Some days I feel so very tired of changing diapers. This week a milestone of sorts has been reached. Lucas has pooped at least three times each day, usually in a freshly changed diaper. There is nothing that will make you feel the futility of your efforts more than changing a diaper twice in less than an hour. Because of my status as primary caretaker, I get the brunt of these diapers. In fact yesterday – even though I worked in the afternoon – Wade changed no diapers. How you might ask? I changed the diaper shortly before I left for work and Wade went over to CasaReY to partake of their coveniences and they kept Lucas so that Wade could bring me some dinner at work and so they subsequently took charge of diaper duty. So I have declared a diaper moratorium for my self . This weekend I shall change no diapers, but I shall still speak of poop.

Why shall I speak of it? Because when you become a parent, the constant measure of input and output is itself an area of active attention. I have (and I’m sure will have for many more years) many conversation revolving around output activities. It is a good measure of health and so we discuss the ins and outs of the diaper.

the one thing about parenting is that there are as many ways to do it as there are parents. think about that. i know that lots of people have made millions of dollars convincing you that there is one way, one tried and true formula that will help you raise a happy, content, controllable child. there is whole spectrum that opens up before you when you find out you are expecting a child. from ferber to attachment parenting, so many ways to raise a child open before you and it’s pretty daunting if you don’t know what you want.

of course there are some things that should be avoided all costs – abuse is pretty well defined, but there are lots of things that are not well delineated.

wade and i followed our own path. lucas has a crib, but he has slept with us for the most part. now, when he’s tired he goes to bed by himself. sometimes he’ll be cranky and i’ll tell him ‘hey, just go to bed and rest. you’ll feel better.’ then he’ll toddle off and the house will get very quiet. when i go to check on him, i find him sprawled on the bed in a deep sleep. while he is transitioning to his crib, yet he loves to fall asleep in mama and papa’s bed. when we go to bed, we simply pick him up and put him in his little crib.

we breast fed and still do this day. it was hard work at first, but he loves his boob juice. it’s something that works for us and after reading the continuum concept, i decided to keep it going til he’s about two or when he’s ready to give it up. it’s been challenging & sometimes people give us a look that says ‘are you crazy?’, but hey, people, boobs are for nursing babies, not selling beer. he eats really well and thanks to the super baby food book we have had little worry about his weight or his nutrition. he starts every morning with a big smoothie, filled with milk, nuts, fruit, flax seeds & whatever we have around and then we let him feed himself the rest of the day.

we also have used cloth diapers since he was three months old. (we went back to disposable for a few months once we started the bathroom remodel, but now we’ve returned to the cloth horse.) not adding more to our contribution to the landfill was our initial motivation, but once we started it seemed very natural. there is of course some debate about the use of cloth diapers in arid locales like san diego, but since there is a great amount of water consumption in the manufacturing of disposable diapers, we decided it was a wash. when we do use disposables we use unbleached diapers that do not release free-chlorine into the environment which can result in dioxin pollution. using cloth diapers has also catapulted me into the world of composting — more on that later.

since we adopted more of the attachment parenting paradigm, we also chose to use baby carriers as an alternative to the use of the stroller (now we do use the stroller on occasion, but didn’t use it for the first six months). we loved the moby wrap, which i read about randomly on some livejournal community. the best part was that wade used it a lot to carry lucas around & it gave him a chance to be close to lucas in way that kept his hands free. sometimes wade would be working on his book with lucas in the moby wrap and i would be free – free as a bird. however once lucas reached 12 months the moby wrap became unwieldly.

in maui i saw a woman in the airport with an ergo baby carrier, which you can switch from front to back in a matter of moments. we bought one and started using it right away. it is a wonderful tool. a few weeks ago, schmokie was in a terrible state. his long fur causes irritation on his back in the summer months and we’ve been shaving him (he looks like a little lion!) to prevent his suffering. i needed to take care of him & the groomer did a less than adequate job last time, so guess who was gonna do it? the unfortunate thing is that shaving him at home is awful – hair gets everywhere & there is so much of it. there is, however, a dog wash in OB. so one friday morning i took lucas and schmokie and headed west. now how could i, one person with only two hands, manage to wash & shave schmokie while watching lucas? the ergo baby carrier! i popped lucas in the carrier and in less than half of an hour – voila!- one chore off the mighty chore list. of course, i have used it when cleaning the house, gardening, hiking, etc. & with nary a complaint from my passenger.

again, this is merely stuff that has worked for us. i personally endorse these methods because they felt right *to me*. we used these ideas as a starting point because both wade & i felt that they made sense *to us*. there are things we could improve upon, but those are personal & not so much about tools unlike above. there can be a lot of pressure to conform to someone else’s notion of the right way to parent, so follow your heart when and if you choose to become a parent. anyways that’s my two cents for now.